Marrying Zack was a turning point in my life. Entering into our marriage, I had just come out of an abusive relationship of two years and honestly, I was a complete and utter mess. My mental health wasn’t doing well and most times, I felt like I was a very broken individual. Part of it was because I had so much negativity in my life leading up to that point. Negative people, negative situations. Just a whole lot of negativity. And it was making me a negative person as well. It was draining. So when I packed my bags and made the move to North Carolina to be with him, I knew some things had to change in my life in order to move forward. I had to remove all that negativity from my life and start fresh. With a new home, in a new state, surrounded by new people. I had made this my 2014 New Year’s resolution. And now, 2 1/2 years later, I think it’s safe to say that this is one resolution I actually kept. Here’s what I did to remove negativity from my life and move forward with a more positive outlook:
First, I removed the negative people.
I think this one was the most challenging for me. It can be so easy to get caught up in the people around you whether they’re family members or friends or even just the people in your environment like co-workers and classmates. I strongly believe that we become the type of person that we’re surrounding ourselves with. And I was surrounding myself with people who weren’t going anywhere in life, didn’t have goals or aspirations, and honestly just didn’t have their sh*t together in any way, shape, or form. They spent all their money on booze and weed rather than paying their bills and to them, they were living “the life”. I loved my party girl time period, but that just wasn’t me in the long run. After taking a step back and evaluating my life, I realized that they were a horrible influence on me. I wasn’t that type of person and didn’t want to go down that path. So as hard as it was, I started cutting people out.
This included “friends”, co-workers, and even a family member. For the most part, I just cut the cord. No explanation needed. Deleted them off Facebook, blocked their phone numbers, and literally just stopped talking to them altogether. It’s easy to make that initial cut, but the more challenging part is sticking with your decision and not allowing yourself to go backwards and cave into them. It was hard to ignore them when I happened to get a couple Facebook messages wondering what was going on, but I knew it was for the best so I stood my ground and ignored them. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but I knew that those people were toxic and I sure as hell didn’t want them in my life long-term. It was time for me to focus on myself and move onto bigger and better things.
Second, I removed myself from negative situations.
Removing myself from negative situations was a bit easier once I eliminated those so-called “friends”. This is so important in moving forward. As hard as it may be, you have to change your habits. I started by removing myself from my abusive relationship which was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. When we graduated college in 2013, I packed my bags and moved to Vermont to be with my family for the summer so that I was in a safer environment while I did the breaking up. This choice alone improved my life drastically, but I still wasn’t hanging out with better people. Here’s what I mean when I say you have to break the habits:
When I lived in Maine, I was surrounded by all the types of people I mentioned above while living on campus. People who just weren’t good for me and would ultimately hold me back from being the person I knew I was supposed to be. Although I had removed them from my life and moved out of state, I then ended up finding people just like them in Vermont and re-created the negative situation I had just gotten out of. Do you get what I’m saying? I hadn’t changed my habits in a way that allowed me to move on and grow. I was still stuck. So, once again, I did the break up process with my new friends for the final time when I moved to North Carolina and started over again.
Thankfully, Zack is a much stronger individual than I am in every way (physically, mentally and emotionally). I really believe that if I didn’t have him, I’d still be trapped in an endless cycle of negativity. He only surrounds himself with good, positive, supportive individuals which was just what I needed. It’s what I still need in order to stay on track in my life and keep myself moving forward through my depression and anxiety. He’s been the best thing for me and I couldn’t be more thankful for him and everything that he does.
Today, I am doing better than I ever could have imagined. I’ve created a supportive network of friends and family who love me and want me to succeed. I surround myself with people who are positive and driven and are on the same life path I am on. I have this amazing blog where I get to connect with all of you and work with awesome brands. I have a job that I’m truly passionate about, financial stability, an amazing husband and life. I had continued down the path I was on, I wouldn’t have any of this. And it’s all because I weeded out those negative individuals and removed myself from the negative situations I was in.
Lastly, I cleaned out my social media.
I stress all the time how important it is to clean out your social media every once in awhile. I believe everyone should do this once every couple months. Or more often if you have the time and really want to keep up with it. Sometimes our newsfeed can be cluttered with negativity. It makes it depressing and sometimes annoying to skim through my feed. This person is complaining about their work day while this person is b*tching about how their boyfriend cheated on them (again). Another is mad about the elections while another is upset with a family member. First off, these things shouldn’t be on social media in the first place, and second, they really make everyone else feel like crap too. I could be having a great day and then BAM! I check my newsfeed and it’s instant depression because everyone else around me is so miserable with their lives. So instead of feeling depressed or frustrated with what others are posting, I’ll just unfriend them.
This really is as simple as I make it sound. I know that some people are fun to Facebook stalk and I totally understand that there are people out there that you just feel the need to know about (typically these are people from our high schools or that one girl you really cant stand). But trust me on this. Delete them. You don’t need the negativity and although it’s hard at first to not have easy access to their profile and all the drama that’s going on in their life, it’s so much better for you in the long run. If there are circumstances for why you can’t actually delete them (aka a family member), then take a moment to unfollow them instead. This way, you’re still “friends” with them, but their drama isn’t showing up in yours newsfeed.
Removing the negativity has been incredibly challenging in some aspects of my life and it’s a continuous process each and every day. It’s been so beneficial for me over the last couple years and I suggest everyone take the time to do this for themselves. Choose to focus on yourself and your health and create a life full of positivity. Build yourself up so that you can reach your goals and live your life to the fullest!
How do you remove the negativity from your life?