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[ad] Today I am dreaming of Christmas parties. Anyone else? We’re only halfway through the month and we’ve already had more family gatherings than I can count with so many more to go. And Christmas parties in the Bartlett household means photos…lots of photos. But I just didn't feel very photo-ready thanks to my grays (and yes, I had A LOT of grays). So I picked up @zotosprofessional hair color at @sallybeauty and these days I'm feeling gorgeous, confident, and ready to take on the holiday photos. Today on the blog, I'm sharing how I get myself photo-ready as well as what I plan to wear to this year's Christmas party! #MyAgeBeautiful #sponsored #linkinbio
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[ad] Today I am dreaming...

I've been a bit MIA lately. Why you may ask? Well, because I've been half on the struggle bus and half working on a rather large project that I've had in draft mode for far too long. And I am SO excited about it. I literally woke up the other day and decided THAT was the day I'd get started on it and I've been hooked on it ever since. If you're a mom in Southern Maine, you won't want to miss this! So be sure to sign up for our email list via the link in my bio so you can be one of the first to know what's going on.
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I've been a bit MIA...

Well, it's officially the day Zack and I have been looking forward to for a couple of years now. While we've already unofficially been "moved on" from military life for a couple of months now, today it's official that Zack is no longer an Active Duty Marine and I am no longer a military spouse. The first big chapter of his adult life and our life together has officially ended. It's scary almost when you've been living with all the stability of a lifestyle for so long. A stable job, stable income, health benefits, a home. It's been a challenging couple of months as we get more settled here in Maine and figure out the next step for our little family. But I know we have so much to look forward to in the next year and it's refreshing to know we have the opportunity to start over. I am so proud of this guy and I can't wait to see what the next chapter of our life has in store for us. •
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Well, it's officially the day...

This mama is on the struggle bus today. This morning I spent over an hour searching for Allie's sippy cup of milk only to find it in the shower...where I looked 5+ times considering that's where she was playing while I got ready for the day. I then got the incorrect order from Dunkin and to make that even worse, it was pumpkin flavored...and if you know me, you know I cannot stand anything pumpkin flavored so I couldn't even suck it up and drink it (shoutout to @mwhited8195 for bringing me the correct drink order!). Nap time wasn't any better. A solid 40 minutes of crying before Allie finally went down...then she woke up 30 minutes later 🙄 And now I'm scrambling to get everything on my to-do list done so we can officially launch Blogmas tomorrow 😬 It's been a morning and I'm about ready for my own nap at this point. But at least it's Friday? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂
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This mama is on the...

It's yet another snow day here in Maine. The last winter I spent here was in 2015 and we maybe had three snow storms all winter. This year, we've had 3-5 just in the last couple of weeks 🙄 I'm already homesick for beautiful and warm North Carolina summers 😔 anyone else here who hates winter? If you need us, Allie and I will be curled up inside with some movies and a never-ending to-do list. #bloggerlife •
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It's yet another snow day...

Blogmas starts in T-5 days! I've been working so hard on producing awesome Blogmas content these past couple of months so I'm super excited to finally start sharing it with you all this weekend. Today on the blog I'm sharing a quick breakdown of Blogmas 2018, what you can look forward to on Mainely Keating, and 25 blog post ideas for those of you who want to participate in Blogmas as well! You can find the link to the full blog post in my bio! •
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Blogmas starts in T-5 days!...

How The 5 Love Languages Changed My Marriage

How The 5 Love Languages Changed My Marriage | KeatingBartlett.com

A couple of years ago, I made a resolution to take the time to read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  If you’ve never heard of the 5 love languages, they are: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch (you can take the quiz to find out your love language here). Each person is different and likes to show and receive love in different ways. Sometimes our love language is different from that of our spouse which can make it challenging to connect, communicate, and show each other we care.

From my own personal experience (and from what I’ve seen in other relationships), it seems that differing love languages contributes to a vast majority of issues that most couples have. Anything from lack of intimacy to being annoyed that your husband doesn’t do the dishes. These all fall under a particular love language and if you and your partner happen to speak different languages, then most times it’s going to cause some sort of problem or disconnect in your relationship. While this may sound like a larger problem, I promise it’s 100% manageable as long as you both know and understand each other’s languages.

When Zack and I got married, I spent so much time upset that he didn’t hug and kiss me as often as I wanted him to. I was also upset that he wasn’t big on sharing his feelings or saying “I love you” or “I appreciate you”. In fact, these things are still “problems” sometimes even after three years of marriage. At the time, I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong. I mean, I thought I was pretty lovable. I had never been with someone who wasn’t a cuddly person so the amount of frustration and confusion I experienced in those first few months of marriage was insane.

We had eloped just two and a half months into dating long distance which I knew was fast, but at this point, I was starting to wonder if maybe was too fast. Maybe it had been a mistake. This thought completely crushed me as I knew deep down that I was in fact with the man I was supposed to be with for the rest of my life. I just knew it. And choosing to get married was something I took very seriously. I wasn’t about to give up on my marriage just two months after moving in with him and only five months of being married. That was crazy to me.

So I starting thinking about it a lot and even consulted a couple of friends and eventually it led me to the five love languages. After taking the quiz, reading the book, and furthering my knowledge on the topic, I came to the conclusion that we just had different love languages. Our issue had nothing to do with whether or not we loved each other and it didn’t mean we were incompatible either. We just weren’t speaking the same language in terms of how we showed and received love.

It’s important to know how to show your spouse you love them in a way they understand. I sat down with him and told him exactly how I was feeling. I was feeling distant as if I had been doing something wrong. You could tell we had different love languages because to him we were perfectly fine. He couldn’t understand why I was feeling that way. And it wasn’t because he was a bad husband or I was a bad wife, it was simply because we didn’t fully understand each other yet. We didn’t know how to show each other we cared.

Even now, three years later, we still check in with one another to make sure all of our needs are met. In fact, we just did this back in November and again a couple of weeks ago. If one of us feels something lacking, then we bring it up and talk about it. We find ways to make it better and we’re always finding new ways to connect with one another. And that alone makes such a huge difference.

After taking the love languages quiz online in those first few months of marriage, I had discovered that my love languages are ‘words of affirmation’ and ‘physical touch’. These two languages are so important to me. It makes my day when I can come home and cuddle up on the couch with him or when he kisses me unexpectedly or tells me he loves and appreciates me. So, naturally, that’s how I try to show him love too…But it doesn’t always work. Zack isn’t the super cuddly, lovey dovey kind of person. So he doesn’t need the hand holding or random kisses and cuddles. In fact, he hates them! And that’s okay. It’s okay that he doesn’t show love the same way I do.

I didn’t have Zack take the quiz, but in that first year of marriage, I learned that he responds best to ‘acts of service’ and ‘words of affirmation’ (thankfully we have words of affirmation in common so that helps!). He likes coming home to a clean house, and dinner ready and on the table, and when I bring him food and coffee while he’s at work. He likes when I remember to pick up his favorite snacks at the grocery store or when I take the time to groom the dog. He loves thoughtfulness.

After our most recent check-in, I also discovered that the fact that I’m still here, consistently working on our marriage and continuing to love and support him is enough for him to know that I love him and want our marriage to work. Even though he loves hearing that he’s appreciated and loves when I do things for him without being asked, he really doesn’t even need those things. All he needs is for me to be here. So his needs love-wise are much simpler than mine are.

Since he’s more of an ‘acts of service’ kind of person, he shows me he cares by helping me with bills, or cleaning the house for me when he knows I’m stressed, or cooking dinner for me when I’m tired or busy with work. He’ll check in with me on his way home from work to see if I need anything and he’ll bring me breakfast or coffee in bed when I’m too lazy to get up. Recently he’s given up drinking since I can’t drink while pregnant and he’s even started getting back into shape and making healthier choices as well. All of those seemingly little things that he does are all things that he does for me. That’s how he shows me he loves and care about me.

While everything he does for me is so loved and appreciated, he also knows how important it is to me that we have that physical connection as well and he goes above and beyond there. I know it’s outside of his comfort zone sometimes and yet he still let’s me cuddle with him whenever I want and he’ll suck it up and hug me when I need it. He’s still not a fan of dealing with tears, but what guy is? That one’s still a work in progress. But the fact that I can see how hard he’s trying makes all the difference in the world.

Understanding the five love languages, has made a huge difference in my marriage and the way Zack and I interact with one another. I’ve learned that it’s okay to have a different love language than your spouse. It doesn’t, in any way, mean you’re not compatible or that your marriage is doomed to fail. It just means you show love differently. Marriage is hard work and this is just one of the many things that contribute to it.

Do you and your significant other have different love languages?

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XOXO
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