Last Thursday, we had the long-awaited anatomy ultrasound appointment. I was hoping to have this appointment before the holidays, but I’m really glad my doctor made me wait until 20 weeks because we got to see so much of our little one. Leading up to the appointment, the only thing I was concerned about was whether it was a girl or boy. It wasn’t until we arrived at the hospital that I realized just how many other things they’d be looking at with this ultrasound. What if the baby’s brain wasn’t developing properly? Or the heart? What if the heart had randomly stopped beating since my last appointment? What if they were missing fingers or toes? What if they had extra fingers and toes?! Am I the only one who went into this appointment with these thoughts? I was genuinely concerned at that point.
Thankfully after a TON of photos, everything looked normal in there. This was by far the coolest appointment we’ve had. It was neat to see how much the baby was moving around, yet I couldn’t feel any of it which was super strange. We could see the heartbeat and their spine too. Their little hands and toes. The last time we had an ultrasound, I was at 8 weeks, 5 days and this time I was at 20 weeks, 1 day so the picture was much different this time around. So much bigger and more active. Just being able to see the baby almost made me tear up. It was our first real look at our first child. So amazing!
The only downside, was that the baby was moving a lot. A lot as in, it took twice the normal amount of time to get the photos we needed and when it came down to determining the gender, they just didn’t want to sit still. We had a good view of their butt for the longest time because they absolutely refused to turn around. I swear, I would have been so mad if we waited all this time just to go home with no answer. The one big thing I wanted from this appointment and the baby just wouldn’t cooperate with us.
If you’ve been following along for a while now, you know that we were very much wanting a boy. The name was picked out two years ago and every time we picture out little family, we have boys. We didn’t even bother to choose a girl’s name these last few years or during this process because we were so dead set on it being a boy. However, from the very beginning of my pregnancy, I’ve had a very strong feeling that our baby was a girl. I wasn’t sure if I was just having anxiety and being negative or if I truly knew it was a girl. I had one friend tell me that you just have a sense when it comes to those things. So even though we were still hoping for a boy, my brain was telling me it was a girl.
While I was super excited to find out the gender, I was terrified of how I’d react if I found out it wasn’t a boy. I pictured myself breaking down into a ball of tears, completely disappointed by the outcome. How horrible would that be? To be told that you have a healthy, beautiful girl yet you’re completely upset about it. Who could be upset about that? It made me feel like a bad mom just thinking about it. But after a ton of maneuvers and lots of photo attempts, we finally got a clear shot of the gender…
Baby Bartlett is a GIRL!
And while I pictured myself for weeks breaking down in tears over it, I didn’t. Well, not upset tears anyway. I instantly cried because I was excited and so very happy to have an answer. Happy to know that it was actually a she and she is absolutely beautiful. I’m already completely in love with her and so excited to finalize our registry and begin shopping for everything she’s going to need. But I’m a bit concerned as well. Zack and I both have stronger personalities so I always knew those traits would obviously be passed down to our children. But I imagined those traits being easier to manage in a boy than a girl which is part of why I was so dead set against having a girl.
Even in the ultrasound appointment, she was already stubborn as can be. Refused to cooperate and sit still long enough for us to get photos of her. I was shocked the ultrasound technician was able to get 7 or 8 really good ones for us to take home. In addition to that, I know she’ll be super opinionated and loud as well. Her toddler and teen years are going to be SO much fun (insert eye roll here). But on the bright side, we know she’ll get our good traits too. She’ll be intelligent, driven, hardworking, loving, strong, independent. She’ll be a good mix between a girly girl and tom boy. She’s going to be absolutely amazing and I can’t wait.
It feels so real all of a sudden. I mean, I know I’ve been pregnant for 20 weeks at this point, but in all honesty, I just haven’t been excited about it. I’m still wording this horribly. I’m excited, but this process just hasn’t been the way I had envisioned it. I guess that’s a better way of putting it. Family and friends are 3,000 miles away and we have zero friends here. So there was no big, fancy announcement and we can’t do a gender reveal party and get everyone involved. I wont get a baby shower or anything like that. I’m still not sure if anyone will be here for the birth (I think my family is, but they’re figuring out the dates). I really have no one to be excited with here aside from Zack and he’s a guy. Men don’t show excitement like women do.
Then you have the fact that I’m not handling the body changes very well so I just haven’t been embracing the baby bump. Then I’m getting soooo many questions, comments and concerns from friends and family (and even random strangers) which haven’t been helping whatsoever. So I just haven’t been as excited as I thought I’d be about this whole process. I’ve had zero interest in the registry and picking out things for the baby and shopping or any of that. I even cringe when I’m in public because I just don’t want people to notice I’m pregnancy. It’s essentially been one giant mess.
But there was something about finding out the gender, seeing our daughter on the screen, and picking out her name that made everything fall into place. I woke up the following morning and was more than excited to go to my prenatal yoga class. I wasn’t hiding my tiny bump under a cardigan or large sweater or jacket. I was excited to tell people about the pregnancy and excited for strangers to notice. One of the women who works at the gym I go to was the first to notice and rather than crying over the fact that someone noticed my increase in size, I was excited to talk to her about it. No tears whatsoever. All of a sudden, I feel a million times better and so much more accepting than I have been these last 20 weeks.
In five short months, we’ll have a daughter. It’s so surreal and so unbelievably exciting!!
How did you react when you were told your baby’s gender wasn’t what you were hoping for?
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