This morning was rough.
It’s been almost three weeks now since Zack left and it’s been a really challenging adjustment for me to deal with. I wish I was handling it better, but I’m not. I have days where I’m feeling great and then everything comes crashing down in the blink of an eye.
This morning for example. Zack was at the range all day for work. No biggie, he was there the other day too. Well by 3:30am EST, I hadn’t heard from him in about two hours. And I was exhausted. Knowing he was probably just busy, I texted him good night and told him I loved him, assuming he’d just send me a good night back whenever he got the chance. I stayed awake for another half an hour, hoping to catch his good night text before falling asleep, but it never came.
Waking up this morning, I expected to find a text from him on my phone with the usual “I’m sorry I couldn’t text back sooner. I love you. I’ll talk to you when I wake up.” or something along those lines, but there was nothing.
Being me, I got upset and disappointed because once again, the military was the top priority. And I know that’s not his fault and I know he loves me, but that’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes. I don’t care what anyone says, it flat-out sucks no matter how long you’ve been dealing with it.
I know it’s not Zack’s fault that he’s stationed overseas or that he has to work so much and can’t text me as often as he’d like throughout the day. I get that. I really do. But I’m so sick of everyone telling me to “get used to it” or that “it’ll eventually all feel normal“. Normal is such a silly word. I don’t view this life as normal in any way and I don’t want to get used to this either.
It shouldn’t be normal to never get to see or spend time with my husband. It shouldn’t be normal that we’re living on opposite sides of the world. It shouldn’t be normal for me to spend my entire day, waiting to hear from him. It shouldn’t be normal for me to come in second place a good majority of the time. It really wears on a person and I don’t feel like this is something I should be expected to get over and deal with either. I don’t want this to be our life even if it is for “only” a year. I don’t want this to be considered normal for our future children either. It’s just not fair for any of us.
I already dream of the day Zack comes home and we can finally settle down and really live our life together. I dream of the day we start our family and purchase our first home together. I dream of us both having successful careers and being able to come home at the end of the day and have dinner together and spend time as a family every night. I dream of being able to take vacations and do what we want without the military telling us we can’t.
But for now, this is our new normal. And those are just dreams.
Have you gone through a similar situation? How do you handle being away from your spouse?