This year, I wanted to do something a little different. Of course I did my usual New Year’s resolutions, but then I also wanted to do ones specifically for my marriage. This year apart has been such a challenge for us so far. We argue more than we’ve ever argued before and some days we completely fail at communicating with one another. It’s hard. Marriage is hard work and adding in the distance and time difference and the military makes it even more challenging. There’s always something we could be doing to make our marriage stronger and this year, I want to make it a priority to focus on us and get our marriage back on track. So Zack and I sat down to talk about it and came up with three marriage resolutions for 2016.
We promise to talk less and listen more.
I admit, this one will be challenging for me. I’m the type of girl who always has to have the final say and always has to make sure her voice is heard. Sometimes it’s just best for me to not say anything at all and let Zack have the floor. On the other hand, Zack is very similar to me. He too likes to have the last word and likes to be heard. So we need to learn how to compromise and allow each other some room to speak when needed.
We promise to think first before speaking.
This is mainly for me. I talk a lot. Sometimes without thinking. I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve said out of anger. I’m sure others can relate to this. I get upset and angry and all of a sudden I’m talking at 100 mph and saying things I don’t actually mean. It needs to stop. I need to learn how to slow down, take a deep breath, and think before speaking whenever I’m upset.
We promise to be more patient and understanding of each other’s situations.
Military life is hard. I feel like there’s never an easy moment and I’m definitely not always very understanding when the military gets in the way of our plans or our talk time. It sucks to have to wait up until 3am just to hear from him or to have plans change at the last minute because the military needs him to do something else. It’s frustrating and sometimes leaves me feeling a bit forgotten and unimportant. It’s a crappy feeling. But there’s also nothing either one of us can do about it. Rather than being upset and taking my anger out on him (which unfortunately I do far too often), I need to remember that we’re a team and we’re both going through these challenges together. I’m not as alone as I may think or feel that I am.
In turn, he also needs to be more understanding of how his career choice affects me. I fully support him in every choice he makes, but this one affects me more than I had anticipated it would. It’s so hard for me to come in second to his job and half the time, I just don’t want to be a military spouse. It’s challenging so I think we both need to try to look at this from each other’s point of view and be as understanding as we can.
I am so excited to see what this year has in store for us. We’ll be finding out in the next month or so where we’ll be moving when he returns home this summer and I think we’re both hoping to be visiting the west coast for a few years. At this rate, we’ll be happy with anything as long as he’s home with me. I look forward to having a home with him again and finally being able to move forward with our lives. My fingers are crossed that this year will be better than the last.
Will you and your spouse create marriage resolutions? What resolutions do you have for the new year?